How to deal with anger What to do with outbreaks of aggression and irritation How to learn to control your emotions how many times in our lives have we asked this question ... I feel furious in my whole body, I need to learn how to deal with this anger and anger, but I do not know how. I physically feel, as in certain situations everything seems to explode inside me. So people say when they are asked what exactly happens in their head (or body) at the moment of an attack of anger. In this article, the psychologist Mariana Vasquez will give you 11 practical tips for each day on how to cope with your anger.
We all experienced anger in our lives as a result of some out-of-control situations, personal problems that upset us, due to fatigue, insecurity, envy, unpleasant memories, because of situations that we cannot accept, and even from for some people whose behavior we do not like or annoying ... Sometimes failures and the collapse of life plans can also cause frustration, anger, and aggression. What is anger?
Anger is a negative emotional reaction to a violent nature (emotion), which can be accompanied by both biological and psychological changes. The intensity of anger varies - from feelings of discontent to rage or rabies.
When we experience anger, the cardiovascular system suffers, blood pressure rises, sweating, heart rate and breathing increase, muscles strain, we blush, we have problems with sleep and digestion, we cannot reasonably think and reason.
When something irritates or annoys us, the amygdala (the brain department responsible for handling and storing emotions) appeals for help to the hypothalamus (which also answers for our mood). At this point, adrenaline starts to be released to prepare our body for a possible threat. Therefore, when we are irritated or angry, the heart rate increases and our senses become acuter.
All emotions are necessary, useful and play a certain role in our life. Yes, anger is necessary and useful, because it helps us to react to any situation that we perceive as a threat, and also gives us the opportunity to resist any circumstance that violates our plans. He gives the necessary courage and energy and reduces the feeling of fear, which allows us to better cope with troubles and injustice.
Very often anger hides behind other emotions (sadness, pain, fear ...) and manifests itself as a kind of protective mechanism. Anger is a very strong emotion, which becomes a problem when we are not able to control it. Uncontrollable anger can destroy a person or even his environment, preventing him from thinking rationally and encouraging the aggressive and violent behavior. Excessive anger can cause damage to both physical and mental health, to put an end to the social ties of a person and in general to significantly reduce the quality of his life.
Anger as a tool sometimes when we cannot reach our goal, we use violence as an easy way to achieve what we want. In other words, we use rage and violence as a tool to achieve the goal. Anger as a tool, as a rule, is used by people with weak self-control and low communicative abilities. However, we must remember that there are other ways of persuasion.
Anger as protection we experience anger in situations where we intuitively interpret comments or other people's behavior as an attack, insult or complaint against us. We take offense (often for no apparent reason) and feel an irresistible desire to attack. How With the help of anger, which is a big mistake. In difficult situations, it is better to remain calm.
EXPLOSION OF ANGER if we long tolerate some situations that we consider unjust, we suppress our emotions, trying to restrain ourselves further, we find ourselves in a dangerous vicious circle, from which we only get out when we can no longer tolerate. In this case, the last drop is enough to fill the cup. In other words, in a situation where we are too long tolerated, even the smallest event can provoke an outburst of anger. Our patience bursts, urging us to anger and violence, we effervesce ... like a teapot.
People who often experience anger tend to have specific personal qualities, such as low tolerance to frustration (they cannot understand that their desires cannot always be satisfied at their first request, they are very self-centered people), low self-esteem , because of which they are not confident in themselves and do not control their emotions, lack of empathy (they cannot put themselves in the place of another person) and high impulsiveness (do not think before they do), etc.
How to cope with anger: 11 practical tips
How to get rid of anger and learn how to control it? How to overcome irritation and attacks of aggression? A natural intuitive reaction to anger and anger is some aggressive violent action - we can start screaming, smashing something or hurling.
1. Know the situation or circumstances that can provoke your anger
You can experience a feeling of anger or fury in some extreme situation, but it is important to learn how to manage it. To learn how to manage anger, you need to understand in general what problems/situations annoy you the most, how you can avoid them (ie these very specific circumstances), how to do it the best way, etc. In other words, learn how to work with your own reactions.
How to deal with anger: it is vital to understand that violence and aggression will not lead you anywhere, moreover, they can aggravate the situation and even make you feel even worse. Pay special attention to your reactions (you begin to feel anxious, you get a feeling that the heart is about to pop out of your chest and you are not able to control your breathing) to take timely action.
2. be careful with words when you are angry
Strike out of your speech the words "never" and "always" When we are angry, we can say things that would not have occurred to us in a normal state. When you calm down, you will not feel the same, so be careful with what you say. Each of us is the master of his silence and the slave of his words.
How to cope with anger: you need to learn to reflect on the situation, look at it as objectively as possible. Try not to use these two words: "never" and "always". When anger seizes you and you start thinking, "When this happens, I'm always angry," or "I never get anything," you make a mistake. Try to be objective by all means and look at things optimistically. Life is a mirror reflecting our thoughts. If you look at life with a smile, she will answer you the same.
3. When you feel that you are on the brink, take a deep breath
We should all be aware of the limits of our capabilities. Nobody knows you better than you do yourself. It is obvious that every day we can face situations, people, events that can knock us out and ruts ...
How to deal with anger: when you think that you can no longer, that you are on the brink - take a deep breath. Try to move away from the situation. For example, if you are at work, go to the toilet, if at home - take a relaxing shower to calm your thoughts ... Take the so-called "time out". It really helps during stressful moments. If you can get out of town - let it be, escape from your daily routine and try not to think about what makes you angry. Find a way to calm down. An excellent option is to travel to nature. You will see how nature and fresh air act on your brain.
The most important thing is to get distracted, to abstract from the situation until it calms down to avoid aggressive reactions and does not do what later you can regret. If you feel like crying, cry. Crying pacifies anger and sadness. You will understand why crying can be useful for your mental health.
4. Do you know what cognitive restructuring is?
In psychology, the method of cognitive restructuring is widely used. It is about replacing our inappropriate thoughts (for example, our interpretations of other people's intentions) on more useful ones. In other words, it is necessary to replace negative thinking with positive thinking. So we can quickly eliminate the discomfort caused by different situations or circumstances, and anger will quickly pass.
How to deal with anger: you need to learn not to think that others are doing something to harm you. Give them a chance, put yourself in their place. If you allow a person to explain, you will understand that the reason for his being late was respectful (in this particular example). Try to act reasonably and objectively.
5. Learn the techniques of relaxation and breathing to better control anger
How to cope with anger: the right breathing will help relieve tension and make your thoughts straight. Close your eyes, slowly count to 10 and do not open them until you feel that you are starting to calm down. Breathe deeply and slowly, try to clear your mind, free it from negative thoughts ... gradually. The most common breathing techniques are abdominal breathing and progressive muscle relaxation according to Jacobson. How to relax when something disturbs you?
Also, you can learn to meditate, this is a good technique with which you can keep control over emotions and restrain anger and aggression. Learn what conscious meditation or Meditation Mindfulness is.
If you still find it difficult to relax, imagine in your mind some nice quiet picture, landscape or listen to the music that is relaxing. How to keep calm?
6. Social skills will help you cope with anger. You control anger, not vice versa
The daily situations that we face require us to be able to behave appropriately with other people. It is important to be able not only to listen to others, but also be able to support the conversation, to thank, if we were helped, to help ourselves and to give others the opportunity to help and support us when we need them, to be able to react properly to criticism, what unpleasant it is.
How to deal with anger: to control anger and better control it, it is important to be able to correctly interpret the information around us, be able to listen to other people, act under different circumstances, take criticism and not let frustration take possession of us. In addition, you need to be more careful with unjustified accusations against others. Treat others as you would like them to treat you.
7. How to restrain anger, if its cause is another person
Often our anger is provoked not by events, but by people. Avoid toxic people!
In this case, it is recommended to leave such person until you cool down if you feel that the situation is heating up. Remember that by causing harm to others, you, first of all, inflict it on yourself, and this is exactly what you need to avoid.
How to deal with anger: Express your discontent quietly and calmly. The more convincing is not the one who screams more loudly, but the one who is able to express their feelings adequately, calmly and reasonably, identifying the problems and possible solutions to them. It is very important to behave in an adult way and be able to listen to the opinion of another person and even find a compromise (always when possible).
8. Physical exercises will help you to "dump" negative energy and get rid of bad thoughts
When we move or engage in some kind of physical activity, we release endorphins that help to calm down. This is another way to control anger.
There are people who, in a fit of anger, begin to rush and pound what will fall under their arm. If you have an irresistible desire to hit something to quickly lose energy, try to buy a boxing pear or something similar.
9. A good way to "let go of your thoughts" is a letter
It would seem, how can it help that you start to write something down? Especially if you just seriously quarreled with your favorite or favorite?
You can also throw out your energy by drawing, solving puzzles and crossword puzzles, etc.
10. Laugh!
Is there a better way to relieve tension and cheer up than a good dose of laughter? It's true that when we are angry, we want the last laugh. At this moment, we think that the whole world and all the people in it are against us (which is far from reality).
How to deal with anger: although this is not easy, still the problems look different if you treat them with humor positively. So laugh as much as possible and absolutely above everything that comes to your mind! As soon as you calm down, look at the situation from the other side. Imagine a person you get angry with, in some funny or funny situation, remember when you last laughed together. So it will be much easier for you to cope with anger. Do not forget, laughter is very useful. Laugh at life!
11. If you think that you have serious problems with control of anger, consult a specialist
Do not be afraid to admit your problems, do not feel weak for that. The strongest people recognize what happens to them and are not afraid to ask for help. You can share your experiences with someone close - a family, friends, your partner, etc.
If you substitute other emotions with anger if you notice that anger spoils your life, that you are annoyed even by the most insignificant things, if you cannot hold back a cry or desire to hit something when you are angry, if you are not able to behave yourself in the hands and do not know what to do, how to act in certain situations, with people, etc. ... contact a specialist for assistance.
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